day 3 in ethiopia- i think she likes us!!!

Last night Alem woke up and I went to change her diaper. I took her out of the crib and placed her on the ground and she saw Mike across the room, made eye contact with him, and gave him the biggest smile ever! Almost as if to say..."Hey, I know you. You were here yesterday, and I like you!" This was a real turning point for us. After that first smile, Alem laughed, smiled, coohed and seemed happier each day. She even began crying for us when someone else holds her. It melts our hearts that she can learn to trust and love so quickly.

Not suprising that daddy got the first smile. Reese is definitely Daddy's girl, and I (Anne) am bracing myself for this one to be the same. Who can blame these ladies? They won the lottery when it comes to Father assignments. He is, witout a doubt in my mind, the best dad in the world (and husband).

day 2 in ethiopia- a day visiting orhphanages

Today was definitely better with Alem, but not any easier on the emotional front. We spent the entire day visiting orphanages. It was intense. We began the day at the orphanage where Alem stayed from about 6-11 weeks old. She was taken there after her mother left her at a stranger's house. It was incredible to see where she spent those few weeks. This orphanage was not nearly as nice as the Gladney Foster Home where Alem has been since October. The caregivers here are kind and seem to do the best they can to care for the children, but there are many babies for each caregiver and the conditions are not as nice as the Gladney home. The babies are all in one big room---many cribs. Some babies are only a few days or weeks old here. The rest of the facility has other buildings where all of the older kids live. They mostly seem young here, early elementary school age. They are incredibly sweet and quite well-mannered - running up to us, shaking our hands, and posing for pictures then frantically wanting to see themselves in the pics. Oh, so sweet. They are all in tattered, but matching school uniforms with big smiles on their faces. I want to take them all home. We are so impressed with the level of education of these children; really everyone in Addis. People seem to value education dearly here, and it is obvious in the way that people speak and carry themselves, even these kids without homes.

The second orphanage was privately run and much smaller home/compound. Every house here is behind a wall of some sort---ranging fom corrogated tin to mud walls to fancier cement walls with security fencing along the top (only a few homes had this nice of a wall). This particular private orphanage was tucked into a neighborhood on the most narrow street. There weren't many kids here...but again, they were sweet, kind, full of smiles and wanting nothing more than to be picked up anf held and talked to. There was one beautiful little girl here who was about 3 years old and looked noticeably sad and withdrawn. Apparently, her mother had just taken her here not too long ago. It broke my heart. She did not want her picture taken, she would not make eye contact, she didn't want anything to do with anyone. Having a 2 and a 1/2 year old back home, I can imagine how traumatic such a separation at this age would be. Very sad. The last orphanage was older children-about 195 of them! One little girl attached herself to Mike the whole time and he wanted desperately to take her home also. These kids knew English well and very respectful and kind. They seemed to work hard in school and were even computer savvy. Gladney is working on different programs to teach various skills to the children. Particularly, to the girls who will perhaps "age out"...meaning that they will reach 18 without being adopted and therefore be forced out of the orphanage. You can imagine the lack of job opportunities for these young ladies--in a country with a very high unemployment rate and the jobs that are available aren't really availale to a lot of women. Even college educated women have trouble finding jobs there! So, many girls/young ladies turn to prostitution, and eventually may contract diseases-like AIDS, endure poverty, and maybe have babies themselves that they cannot care for and so they also bring them to orphanages. Alas, a second generation being raised in orphanages! A tragic cycle. I cannot imagine the fear, struggle, pain, worry, and stress that these parents go through that leads them to make a decision to actually give up their child. Sometimes I think that I have stress in my life, but I have never had to even think of giving up my daughter because I couldn't provide basic needs for her! We are very fortunate indeed. We will tell Alem that her biological mother made a brave decision to take her to a home and ask for help- hoping to find a better life for her somewhere else. We are on the verge of tears at every moment here. I must mention how impressed Mike and I have been by the kind demeanor of the people in Addis. We have yet to meet an unfriendly Ethiopian! It seems that in this culture, every baby is treated like family, as nearly everyone we interact immediately moves to hold Alem, kiss her and play with her.

day 1 in ethiopia---we're here!!!

The flight went surprisingly fast, and I (Anne) barely slept--too excited (bad decision on my part) . When we landed it was 8:30 thursday morning, so it would have been best to get as much rest as possible on the plane! Oops. After leaving behind a cold march morning in Washington, DC, we landed down in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia where is it warm (not too hot) and sunny with a nice breeze. The landscape looked beautiful- many mountains and hills with farms in the country side. It looks very different than Maryland from up here! We sped through the visa line, and were greeted by Abby and Ryan who work for Gladney (our adoption agency) and currently live in Ethiopia (couple on the far right in the picture). They moved here in the Fall to be the liasons between the Gladney families and the caregivers/adoptive children, etc... and they do an amazing job! They adopted a little Ethiopian boy, Enoch, a little over a year ago after helping him undergo extensive surgery. A fantastic Ethiopian gentlman named Belay coordinates with the state-run orphanages, carves through the beauracracy, and handles most of the legal stuff. He seems to know everyone in Ethiopia and just works miracles. The three of them handled the Ethiopia-side of our adoption. Many many thanks to Belay, Ryan and Abby. The three adoptive couples managed to stuff all of our many bags into the cars (each of us had two bags full of diapers and formula for the orphanage plus bags of baby clothes, and oh yes a few items for us parents to wear also). We then met our drivers. Each couple has their own personal driver, which we quickly learned is essential in Addis- the city is confusing and public transportation would be very challenging with a baby; not to mention that we wouldn't even know where to say we are trying to get to! Our drivers were our lifelines during the trip! We joke that they were our drivers/tour guides/personal shoppers/negotiators/translators/historians, etc.... Our driver's name was Tafesse. He was the best! Besides everything else, he gave me a phone that would make it possible for me to be in contact with family back home and people in Ethiopia. Thanks Tafesse, you made our time in Ethiopia go so smoothly. We quickly checked into the hotel and off we were to the foster home. Gladney runs a home here in Addis Ababa where the babies live. There are anywhere up to 12 babies and approximately 6 caregivers working at any time. That's a great ratio! They clearly loved and took care of our little lady... they certainly made sure that she ate well! :-) The caregivers cried when we picked up the children- and one young woman even made homemade gifts for them. How incredible! emotional rollercoaster- more of day 1 in ethiopia

Today felt like about a year long. I am sure that the jet lag had something to do with it. But, I think that we are on emotional overload. Just being in Ethiopia is a bit emotionally overwhleming for me. It was difficult to see the poverty and hardship many of the people live with, and we're in the most developed city in the country. I can only begin to imagine what it could be like in the countryside. There are large neighborhoods/shanties throughout the city; even surrounding our hotel.

Then, we're tired, very tired. We went to the Gladney Foster home within a few hours of arriving in Addis to get Alem (we are using her Ethiopian name while here: (1) so that she's not confused by one more thing and (2) because when we introduce her to others while here, Alem is very common to them). The flood of emotions we experienced upon meeting her for the first time were difficult to process. We are overjoyed to finally have her, but she reacted to us as if to say, "who in the world are you?". She has clearly been well-fed during her time in the Gladney foster home, but she is bigger than we thought! Almost nothing that we brought fits her! Then, the formula we brought (which ironically was supposed to be premium and gentler on babies' stomachs) made her sick, so poor Alem threw up pretty much everything for the first day. Thankfully, the Brophy's (the couple from NY) brought extra formula and were in the same hotel as us and so we were able to get some from them that didn't make her throw up.

Alem cried quite a bit today. She seems visibly uncomfortable with us, which is to be expected I guess. Poor thing. How many transitions can a baby handle in 7 short months of life? When we are out in public and she cries, I feel so insecure, imagining that people are looking at me thinking, "See this white woman can't take care of that baby." Not that anyone said anything even close to that in Ethiopia. In fact, the Ethiopians we have met were as sweet and supportive as one could hope for toward adotive familes. Many people said "lucky baby." But, my insecurities weren't really based on reality anyways. Then, we called back home at the end of the first day and spoke to Reese and that kind of put us over the edge. We miss her so much and she misses us, and here we are in Africa with this child who isn't so keen on us. Hopefully tomorrow will be easier.

the trip begins-wednesday, march 21st

washington, dc to addis ababa, ethiopia Today we boarded Ethiopian Airlines flight 500, headed directly to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia (after a short stop in rome, Italy for fuel). Our good friend, Paolo managed to pull himself out of bed at the ripe hour of 4:30 to pick us up and take us to Dulles International Airport. Thank you, Paolo!!! We snuck out before Reese woke up, which is great, because I think that I would've had a breakdown saying goodbye to her for a week. It's SO HARD to leave her behind. We are grateful that my sister, Aimee, came over to stay the night and be there to remind Reese in the morning that we're going to get her baby sister. Thanks Beth, Don, Alex & Ted, Grandma & Grandpa for all taking turns to stay with Reese and love her while we are gone. Thanks also to MJ, Ben, Michelle, & JP for visiting her too. Reese is definitely not lacking for love from her family. Our adoption agency, (the Gladney Center) has us traveling at the same time as two other couples-one from Houston and one from New York. Both of the other couples are picking up their baby boys from the same care center as our little girl. Amazingly, we are all on the same flight leaving Washington, DC! We met one of the couples in the airport and spent time while waiting to board the plane. While in line, I (Anne) also met the author of a fantastic book that I recently finished called "There Is No Me Without You." The book discusses an Ethiopian woman and how she started an orphange (without necessarily setting out to do so). It is brilliantly written in the way that it follows this one woman's true life story and inserts tons of history on Ethiopia-especially more recent history on the AIDS crisis in Africa and the orphan crisis as well. It was just released in 2006, so it is very current. I could not put it down. It was such a great treat for me to meet her! Plus, then I could keep talking to her for the next ohhhh, 18 hours, on the flight.... and ask her a million questions. Which I did. (Sorry, Melissa.) She was incredibly warm, and knowledgable about Ethiopia and adoption. Her and her husband have such huge hearts. They have seven kids- four biological, one from Bulgaria, and two from Ethiopia, and they are in the process of adopting two more boys from Ethiopia now. INCREDIBLE! You MUST read this book! http://melissafaygreene.com/

one week left before we step foot in africa!

I think that we set some sort of world record on the number of things accomplished between referral and leaving to pick-up the baby! We managed finish major renovations in our basement (thanks to Dave for all of his hard work!!) The carpet was installed just two weeks before departure day. Then, we had to completely dismantle the office upstairs, and set a new office up in the "new area" of the basement and prime, paint, and assemble the furniture for the nursery. And, get remaining immunizations, buy supplies for the trip, pack our clothes and the baby's, and the donations for the orphange, etc... I cannot even remember everything anymore. Oh, and yes, I (Anne) did just switch jobs this last week also. Okay- no more major life changes, please! :-) Thanks so much to Holli and Henry for jump starting the baby Elizabeth's room. There's NO WAY we would have had it done in time without you guys. Then, a big thanks to the family for getting the baby's room decorated while we were in Ethiopia. You guys are amazing. And, now...to arrange little Reese's schedule for the next ten days while we are gone. :-P Leaving her behind is the hardest thing we've ever done. We love our little Reesie and she goes everywhere with us. Typically, she travels well, and is our buddy. But, taking her along at her young age would result in more risks than benefits at this point. We know that she will be in great hands while we are gone because our family has been nothing short of AMAZING and once again, they came through for us! Beth & Don, Aimee, Alex & Ted, and Grandma & Grandpa will all have their turn staying with Reese (or her with them). And, she will receive visits from MJB and the Ben Man, Michelle, Teri, and Uncle JP. Beth even took vacation time to stay here with Reese. Many Many Many thanks. It's the only thing that makes us feel okay about doing this--knowing that she is in great hands and will be having a blast with her crazy aunts, cousins, and grandparents. As the time for us to leave approaches, she can tell that we're leaving soon. We talk about the trip and how exciting it is that we're going to get her new baby sister a lot. We pray for the baby, and we read books about having a new sibling and even about adoption (thanks, Cara for that great book). So, Reese knows it's coming and has tried to convince us to take her (as if we wouldn't LOVE to do so). She said one night to Mike "I want to go with Mama and Dada to get my baby sister. I'll get my clothes, I'll get my Teddy, and I will go." Talk about heart-wrentching. So, then after Daddy reminded her of how much fun it'll be here with her family, and that we'd be back soon she said, "Okay, I'll stay here, but God will stay with me...he'll give me a BIIIGG HUUUUG."

court date scheduled in ethiopia

Today we received an email from Gladney saying that we have a court date set forMar 6th and that we should plan to be in Ethiopia on the 22nd of March! Wow. So soon! This is all becoming so real. Time to make travel plans, buy medicine, renew Mike's passport, ...and we still have to finish some already begun renovations to the basement to move the office downstairs and make room for the baby upstairs. And I (Anne) discovered that I will be switching positions at work, to a new office, all between now and our departure. It seemed like too much to do in such a short amount of time...We were pretty overwhelmed. After completing all of our immunizations and paying the remainder of the adoption-related fees (yikes), we purchased all of our supplies and many OTC medications in anticipation of travel sickness. :-p. Flight arrangements: Check Hotel: Check Suitcases, International cell phone card, baby sitting arrangements for Reese for an entire week...: Check, Check, Check!

we received a referral for a beautiful baby girl

We got the call today!!! We weren't expecting this call for months, but today we received the call from our Gladney caseworker, Mary. She called at around 3pm on our home phone on a Thursday and amazingly we were both home and even more amazingly we answered the home phone! (Many of you are well aware of the fact that we rarely answer our home phone---a sane person can only handle so many ways of being contacted: we have two cell phone numbers, work phone numbers, blackberry numbers, personal email accounts, work email accounts.... so the home phone gets lowest priority in our book!) We answered this call and I immediately felt dizzy when I heard Mary say "Are you both home and near the computer? I have some exciting news for you..." Within minutes, Mary sent us pictures of a little baby girl, just shy of 6 months old. This is one of the pictures that we saw: Gladney was able to give us a little bit of information on her history. When she was 6 weeks old, her birth mother took her to a house in Addis Ababa (the capital of Ethiopia) and, after begging for food, left the baby there, promising that she would return after going to fetch holy water. Needless to say, she didn't come back. Her mother has tucked the baby's immunization card under her blanket. On it was her name: Yalem Zerf-nickname "Alem." Alem seems to be a fairly common Ethiopian name, and it means world. We immediately accepted the referral. When Reese woke from her nap we told her that we had found out who her sister would be and we showed her the pictures Gladney emailed us. She was very excited. The girls will be only 2 years apart, almost to the day (both August babies). What fun! We are sure that they will become the best of friends. A few nights later, Reese even made a picture frame with craft sticks, stickers, and glitter glue and placed the picture of the baby in it. It sits by her bed in her room. Every night, she prays for her baby sister, and she shows off the picture to anyone when they come to the house. We couldn't have asked for a better response from her! We were assuming that we'd receive a referral for a baby boy and Reese had been talking for the past month about how she was going to have a baby sister. I'd tell her that it might be a baby brother, and how great that would be also. She would agree that was fine, but kept saying she would have a sister. Maybe her intuition told her! WHAT NEXT? Now we just wait to learn the court date in Ethiopia. We don't actually attend that court date - Gladney attends for us with power of attorney. We can plan to be in Ethiopia about 2 weeks after the court date. Mary said to expect about 6-8 weeks from the date of referral. Our minds were racing. What a blessing to have this great news!!!

we finished our dossier!!!

Jan 2007: We completed our dossier!! This process can take anywhere from 2 months to a year, depending upon a number of factors, including the adoptive parents determination and organization. However, many factors are outside of your control (like waiting for approval from immigration, home-studies, etc...) Fortunately, we were able to get through some of the paperwork and approval processes rather quickly. For instance, often times people wait months for approval from US Immigration Office, which we only had to wait approx 3 weeks for after submitting our home-study to them. I sympathize people who have had to wait longer; it can be very frustrating to have such an important life step held up by situations out of your control. We've been talking to Reese a lot about being a big sister. Fortunately, she's had a few friends have babies added to their homes recently, and so she has real images of what this looks like. She seems pretty excited about it. I show her pictures of kids from Ethiopia and tell her: your baby brother or sister may look like one of these adorable little children! Which reminds me of another huge decision that we had to make when completing our application and dossier- boy or girl? We went back and forth about requesting a boy or a girl and finally decided that it was too big of a decision for us and we'd let God decide. We ultimately know we'd love either. We learned that if we said that we had no preference, we'd most likely get matched with a baby boy as there are more unadopted boys in most countries (except China for example). So, we thought it'd be a boy most likely. We said an infant, between the ages of 0-6 months. There - one more major major decision made. Children adopted from Ethiopia can often times be very young. They are given a list of medical test before being "matched," or referred to a prospective adoptive family---those include tests for HIV, Hepatitis A and B, and Syphilis. After we completed the mountain of paperwork, Reese and I spent a few days driving around to get our dossier documents authenticated by the county and state offices. We made it a little adventure, and had lunch together in Annapolis (with Uncle P). I hope that she'll remember how she was a huge part of the process to bring her sibling home. Our documents were sent to the Ethiopian embassy here and then off to Ethiopia. We're getting closer.

paperwork, paperwork, paperwork....

This is when things started getting really busy. For several months we spent countless hours per week completing our agency application and foreign dossier-sometimes 20 or more hours in a single week: filling out paper work, going to doctor's appointments, requesting birth and marriage certificates, getting fingerprinted by citizenship and immigration, the police, and the FBI, writing mini-biographies, etc...the list goes on and on. There are so many steps to this process!!! We had visits from the social worker and inspections by the Fire Department, and the Montgomery County Dept of Housing. Though it seems to involve many steps, I am glad that the process is thorough. I have also never had to have so many documents notarized before! Special thanks to those who helped us complete this arduous process: Thanks, Liz for the many times you allowed us to exploit your certification as a notary and have you come over and notarize documents for us. Thanks for all of the super kind letters of recommendation from friends and family: the Riveras, Ugolinis, Bruce C., Lemlem, the Sheads, and Teri and another thanks to the Ugolinis for enduring a face to face interview with our social worker. We really appreciate you all your confidence in us and support. We're getting excited!!

the gladney center it is!

Oct 2006: We chose the Gladney Center for adoption located in Fort Worth, Texas to facilitate the adoption. We received the first package of paperwork and made our first payment to the agency. Again, there were many things that lead us to choose Gladney, but this decision was without a doubt a great one! The first woman that I spoke with from the agency who works with east coast families was very helpful and made me feel well taken care of. After a glowing recommendation from a woman who had just used Gladney to adopt her little girl, we made the decision. Whew! I am glad that decision has been made.